I will preface my post by saying that I have found my chosen family within the Gender Diversity support groups and I am forever grateful.  But what about when your extended family doesn’t accept or support your child’s “path”?  For me, this is one of the most painful parts of my son’s transition, though I wouldn’t change a thing.

I believe in unconditional love and had the expectation that I would receive that from my family.  For the most part thankfully I did, except for my mother & her side of the family.  To be fair, I knew this was going to be a struggle for my mom, but truly I thought she would process the fact that her grandson was trans and then move to acceptance.

My mom is super conservative and an evangelical Christian.  Since coming out as a family with a trans son, I have been pleasantly surprised by many conservative and Christian friends and family members who have not only accepted us but fully embraced our family.  This was not the case with my mother.  She was mean, rude & down-right hateful over the phone.  She blamed us for allowing this, she took it personal, and she cried.  I was calm and stated our family’s truth: we would be supporting our child 100% and would have strict boundaries with those we chose to continue a relationship with.  She was so miffed she ended up calling my husband’s mom, who is also a conservative Christian but supportive, and berated her.  My mom was mad.

I heard nothing from my mom for about nine months, with the belief that our relationship might be over.  When she called out-of-the-blue, I was weary.  My mom admitted she over-reacted and would honor our “path”.  She would support Matt and use the correct pronouns.  She also agreed not to talk to him negatively about his transition at all.  If she had something to say or a question she wanted to ask, she was to come to me or my husband.

It’s almost 3 years since my son was able to be his true self.  He is happy and healthy.  My mother lives in Ohio and we don’t see her much but she is always respectful & pleasant.  I know she still struggles & she might always. She never shares it with me and for that I am grateful.  Truth is, though, our relationship won’t ever be what I had hoped (for multiple reasons).  While this is sad, it reiterates what I have learned with my son’s transition:  I must accept people for who they are.