Hi! This is my 1st post, so I’m looking forward to getting advice and learning from others’ experiences.

My 13 year old son started 8th grade at a new school this year. It’s the 1st school that he’s only been known as his chosen (male) name. He is happy about it because he hasn’t been misgendered or called by his female name.

He recently told me about a girl he has a crush on. I asked him if she knew he was trans and he said he thinks so but wasn’t sure. I asked him if he thought about the what-ifs, like what if she didn’t know and was or was not okay with it. I explained that there will be people in his life that will not accept him for who he is and that he needs to learn how to prepare himself for those moments. He said that people should accept others as they are. I agreed and continued to explain that isn’t always the case. I tried explaining to him that if he wants to become romantically involved with someone, he has to be able to be vulnerable and be comfortable sharing parts of himself to the other person, which could include sharing that he is trans. At this point he doesn’t understand why he needs to because he’s a boy. We have had previous conversations about the male and female anatomy and how it could be surprising to someone if they were expecting to see/feel a penis and discovered a vagina or vice versa. I do not encourage sexual activity at this age, but my husband and I have always been open and honest about information re: sex, dating, and drugs.

My son also struggles with depression and anxiety and has been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. It is often difficult to get him to understand different perspectives and truly understand emotional connections. He often only focuses on himself, his ideas, and his needs and doesn’t understand why others don’t think like him.

In general, parents worry about their kids dating. As a parent of a trans son who also has ASD, it makes it even more nerve-wracking. It’s a small school and I worry that if the girl he likes (or her parents) isn’t okay with liking my trans son that she may talk poorly about him to other students, who may tease or ridicule him for being trans. There is an LGBTQ+ club that I have strongly encouraged him to participate in to find support within the school community and he has attended 2 meetings.

Do you have the same worries? Have you and your child experienced this? If so, how did you or your child handle it?