Advice on disclosing to VERY conservative grandparents (especially grandfather!)

[Anonymous]

Hi there,

I am new to this community, and so grateful to have people to talk to who are also going through this! My child, 7.5 years old, has been gender fluid for the past 2 years. He was born male, and although it is not clear whether or not he is transgender, he has talked since the age of 5 about wanting to be a girl. He dresses often as a girl, and has been growing his hair out for over a year. Just recently, he asked that we start calling him by a girl’s name (that he chose himself). We are still using male pronouns, as our child hasn’t addressed that yet, and this name change is very new. Our child isn’t ready for everyone in his life to know about the name change, but would like to be called [new name] at home, and by my sister’s family and my parents. I have been avoiding using this new name in front of my parents (which I am feeling very guilty about!), and instead using his given name, or “kiddo”. My child doesn’t really understand that his grandpa is probably going to flip about this.

My parents are very conservative, and my dad especially. Not only does he have very conservative Christian values, but is very vocal about them, and is not accepting of any part of the LBGTQ community. We have not told my parents yet about the name change, but they are of course very aware of our child’s choice to dress as a girl sometimes. The clothing really bothers my dad, and we have had several heated conversations about it. His most recent concerns voiced that “we shouldn’t be allowing our child to dress this way, he will be teased at school, we are encouraging this “negative” behavior, what if he grows up to be gay or transgendered?” My husband and I are 100% supportive of our kid, and getting really tired of the negativity coming from my dad. I understand that most of his concerns stem from fear, ignorance and being completely misinformed by far-right media. The really difficult bit of this is that we see my parents multiple times a week, as they come over to help us with childcare.

I am having much anxiety over the need to tell my parents, how much to tell them, how to tell them….. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks

[Author]

Posts